My Coming Out Story

Hi everyone! I’m coming in a little heavy with my first official post but my coming out story is one I get asked to share every single day. This is a long story so I hope you’re comfortable and your computer/phone is charged.

I think I always knew I was different. That’s how most of these stories start right? It’s the truth. From a very early age, I always solely cared about my relationship with girls over boys. I was the jealous friend when one of my friends wouldn’t spend enough time with me or paid more attention to a boy. (so. freaking. gay). I was raised in a religious household. My parents were active members in the church and I was born and raised a perfect christian. I barely knew what being gay was other than the fact that it was wrong.

Middle school came around and there was this girl that I was obsessed with. Like, I stalked her Myspace regularly. I remember thinking about how it felt different and I looked in my bedroom mirror and asked myself if I was gay. I shook it off and told myself I couldn’t be. I went to church twice a week and prayed every night, I couldn’t be gay. Right?

In my freshman year of high school, I really started to realize something may be up. My friends and I would go to parties and they’d all have guys they planned on hooking up with. When they asked me who I was going to hook up with – the answer was always nobody. I had zeroooo interest in getting down and dirty with dudes. Especially in their parent’s basements.

This was the first year my friends had called me out for being gay. We were at a cheerleading carwash and I heard them all talking about it. I pulled my best friend aside and made her tell me what they were saying. Apparently, my entire friend group had thought I was gay because I “stare at girls too long” and had no interest in boys. I could have thrown up. I brushed it aside and just made it seem like I was busy with other things and I just hadn’t met any guys I’d liked yet. (ya girl was just gay as hell)

Senior year rolled around and I was cheerleading at a Friday night Football game. I was on the field and we were cheering in front of the student section in the stands. Two girls that hated me started fake making out and calling me a lesbian. I was numb. Thank god this was right before half time because I sprinted to the stands and started bawling. I remember telling my mom what happened and she was like, “well are you gay?” and of course I denied it. Part of me wishes I would have just came out then and there.

The summer after my senior year of high school, I went a little crazy. I was partying a lot and just wanted to connect with a guy. Any guy. I still had never hooked up with any or had a real boyfriend and wanted so badly to feel that connection with one of them. I tried talking to tons and tons of guys and nothing. felt. right. I was so tired of feeling nothing and so beyond frustrated. I thought something was wrong with me, like I was incapable of love.

I ended up getting a job at a family member’s hair salon as a receptionist part time. One of the stylist’s had a picture perfect brother and I was like, okay this is the one. Let’s freaking date and fall in love, I’m ready! He and I talked and then started dating. We didn’t have a single physical or emotional connection. We always had fun hanging out, but it always felt very platonic for me. I was never excited or had butterflies. I kept telling myself that if I just stuck it out, I’d fall in love. He was great with my family, treated me AMAZINGLY, he was so cute and had his shit together… but it never happened. I was so frustrated.

Right around our year and a half mark, I went to Mexico with my best friend. Her and I were laying out at the pool and met some new friends. We drank all day with them and well, got pretty freaking drunk. I don’t think I have had a Long Island since. There was one girl there that kept catching my eye (who happened to be a lesbian). As the drinks started hitting me, I could not stop flirting with her. Eventually, we made out. I remember being like HOLY FUCKING SHIT. IT HAPPENED. I AM GAY. It literally flipped a switch inside of me and everything made sense. I’m not kidding when I tell you that in that moment, I just knew. I felt more in that one kiss with a stranger than I ever did in my relationship with my boyfriend.

I went back to the room with my friend and freaked. the. fuck. out. I questioned literally everything about myself. A few hours went by and the girl I kissed found me on Facebook and messaged me asking to me to meet her at the beach. I was sober now and told myself that if I still felt the same, then I would go from there. We met up and talked for hours, kissed some more and then parted ways. I literally knew that nothing would be the same for me ever again.

The next day, we left Mexico and I told myself that what happens there, stays there. I would go home and try and act like nothing ever happened. When I landed, my boyfriend was there to pick me up at the airport. He was so excited but I didn’t even want to touch him. I felt so bad because he had no idea that my entire life got flipped upside down within the last 24 hours. Over the course of the next week, he knew something was up. I was ditching him to FaceTime the girl I met on vacation, I wouldn’t go near him when we were together. I just felt like a completely different person.

Finally he asked me what was going on and I knew I had to tell him. At the time, he was 25 and I was 20. I told him what happened and how I was obviously confused and didn’t want to drag him along with me while I figured myself out. He was really hurt, really angry and didn’t understand. He wanted to know what she had that he didn’t and I didn’t have an answer other than the fact that she was a girl.

After we broke up, I thought maybe I was bisexual. I flipped my Tinder profile to boys and girls and planned on talking to anyone that peaked my interest. A few weeks of that and I ended up turning the boy option off and only talking to girls. I felt like a middle schooler; I was so excited all of the time. Until I realized that I was hiding a huge secret from everyone. I told myself that I could never come out to my family and that I could live this separate life with my friends and that everything would be fine.

Aaaaand then, Sarah Katharine Sulsenti walked into my life. The second she messaged me, I knew it was game over. I’m not going to go into a ton of detail because I want to save our love story for another post, but I fell hard and fast. About two months into us talking was my 21st birthday. I invited her and our mutual friend to come and they agreed! I told Sarah that if she was coming, we could not act like a couple. My brothers would be there and they had no idea that I was gay. Obviously, she agreed.

Fast forward to my birthday and 10 shots later and I literally could not keep my hands off of Sarah. I was drunk as hell and didn’t care who saw us kissing or holding hands. Obviously, I should have at least warned my brothers before the trip. They were confused and shocked. The very next day after that, my mom told us that she was diagnosed with breast cancer. One of my brothers doesn’t handle stress very well and had a panic attack. He told my dad that because of mom’s diagnosis and me being gay, he felt overwhelmed. Obviously, my dad was like – “wait a second, what?”

The snowball started to roll down the hill and my dad told my mom. My mom called me into her bedroom and asked if it was true – I was so caught off guard I obviously denied it. She then responded with things like, “I heard about what you were doing on your birthday, you’re not gay and you’ve never shown signs of being gay. I don’t want to hear about this dyke stuff anymore.” Once I heard her respond like this, I was like, “okay well now I know I definitely can’t come out.”

A few days later, she asked me again in a much calmer sense and told me that I can always tell her anything. To me, it felt like she was giving me a safe space to tell her what she must have already known. After I left for work, I texted her and told her that I had a girlfriend and I was gay. She responded and told me not to come home.

I was told that she would pack up all of my belongings and that I could pick them up Monday when nobody was there. I was told I was disgusting, that she wished she had never had me, that I was perverted, that I was going to tear our family apart, that I was disgusting. The list goes on and on. I felt so alone and angry and ashamed. I think I always knew my mom would react like that but actually hearing your parents say those things to you is a pain that never goes away.

My brother offered me his spare room and I stayed there for almost two weeks. My mom finally reached out to me and said that we could talk about everything. I went home and we tried talking it out. She said that my “lifestyle” will never be allowed in the house and that I need to keep it away from her. She suggested that I was “sick” and needed to see a therapist. If I wanted to move back in, I’d have to start paying rent. I didn’t have many other options at the time, so I did. I knew it’d be temporary so I lived at home for about a year and worked four jobs saving money to move in with Sarah.

That first year was really rough for me. I was in a bad place mentally and was in a pretty depressed state. I was angry with myself for being gay and I was angry at my mom for being so shitty about it. She said she loved me unconditionally but it felt the exact opposite. I was in a really negative environment and I almost let it consume me. I tried to keep my mind on the fact that eventually, I’d be moving out on my own and would beat long distance with Sarah. That was my light at the end of the tunnel that I just had to keep chasing.

Finally, I moved out. I barely spoke to my parents after the first year of leaving home. My mom would hang up on me if I mentioned Sarah’s name. I was so done with the negativity, I no longer wanted to make an effort of pleasing her. I didn’t go home for about a year and that hit my parents in a way that softened them a little bit.

My mom tries a lot harder now than ever has. She doesn’t make disgusted noises every time I bring up Sarah and she doesn’t hang up the phone. She definitely isn’t accepting and still tries to tell me this is a phase (it’s been five years, someone please help that woman). Regardless of those things, she’s a lot nicer to me than she ever has been. She’s reading books about religion and homosexuality and how it shouldn’t be so hated and ostracized. It isn’t great but its better and that’s all that I can ask for.

Aside from everyone else and how *they* feel about me being gay – I am the happiest I have ever been. Moving out and unapologetically being myself was the greatest gift I could have ever given myself. I am so happy and feel so much lighter than I used to. There is truly no greater gift than not hiding who you are.

If you are in the closet and terrified to come out – we have all been there before. Take the time you need to walk your path and know that when you’re ready to step out on the other side, there is an entire community of people waiting to greet you with open arms. Coming out is the most terrifying thing in the world but living your truth is so liberating.

Things weren’t perfect for me right away but every single day, they got better and are still to this day continuing to get better. Just remember, all things in time.  You are perfect, just as you are. Never let anyone else decide who you are and if it’s right or wrong. Surround yourself with people you love and who love you for who you are. Chosen family is the greatest gift.

I love you all so much and I will be responding to your comments down below. Sending you all of the love in my heart, you brave and beautiful souls <3

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Comments

  1. Kysha Dela Rosa
    November 1, 2018 / 1:41 pm

    Thank you for sharing your story. This inspire me to be more myself even more. Please continue inspiring people like me, who are still in the closet.
    God bless you and Sarah! ?

    • kateaustinn
      November 2, 2018 / 1:22 am

      always, always <3 cheering you on my friend!

  2. Stefanie Richterkessing
    November 1, 2018 / 2:28 pm

    You said you grew up in a strong Christian family who went to church regularly. Do you still go to church now and does Sarah go with you?

    • kateaustinn
      November 2, 2018 / 1:23 am

      I do not. I have changed my religious views a bit since childhood. Sarah’s family isn’t religious – she was never raised in that kind of atmosphere!

  3. Jon
    November 1, 2018 / 3:13 pm

    Oh. My. God. This was epic, so wonderfully written, you truly are a brave loving soul, I have never met you in person (I would love to) and I feel like I know just how amazing and strong of a woman you are. You are such an inspiration, and such a guiding light for those that were in the position you were before you came out. I have something I’m kind of in the closet about but don’t really have anyone to talk to about, it’s not so much about being gay but it is sexual in nature I guess lol. But anyways, thank you for sharing your story and for being so amazing, I’m so sorry your family hasn’t accepted you and I hope progress is made with them because they are missing out on 2 amazing women in their lives by not accepting you. Thank you again for sharing this, it was an amazing read! If you can see my email please please feel free to email me, I would love to talk more if you’re up for making new friends. I wish you and Sarah a lifetime of happiness!

    • kateaustinn
      November 2, 2018 / 1:27 am

      Hiiii!! Thank you so much for taking the time to share a little bit of your story with me. My DM’s on Instagram are always open! This comment made my day. I wish you the best <3

      • Jon
        November 3, 2018 / 12:46 am

        I sent you a message, my username is joncook316 so you know which one to look for. Lol that’s k you again for sharing you are beyond amazing!

  4. Maddie
    November 1, 2018 / 4:52 pm

    This is amazing Kate! I’m definitely in a similar place as you; I’m just trying to push through for the light at the end of the tunnel… I hope it comes soon, but it’s inspiring to read your story and see that it is possible and I shouldn’t give up because I could have a whole amazing life ahead and I just have to keep fighting.

    • kateaustinn
      November 2, 2018 / 1:28 am

      I know sometimes it’s easy for it to feel like it’s too far away but never ever stop working towards YOUR better tomorrow. Sending you all of my love <3

  5. Shik
    November 1, 2018 / 5:10 pm

    Oh my god , this is so motivating and interesting. First of all thank you so much for sharing it with us . Your efforts about coming out is really appreciable, being your parents too hard on you . You guys are really trying and I want to see you both as a married couple soon . Wish you all the luck to you and sarah .
    Much love ❤️

    • kateaustinn
      November 2, 2018 / 1:29 am

      Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment. It means the absolute world to me <33

  6. June
    November 1, 2018 / 9:30 pm

    This is so inspiring and really helped me see how unaccepting people can be, the main reason why I haven’t come out to my family and I’m almost 30. Also raised in a very religious home, I know my family won’t understand which is why they won’t know anything until there is someone worth knowing about, and even then it will be tough but the sting, I hope, will be less hurtful knowing I have someone to lean on. Thank you for sharing, hearing others struggles helps me further understand this world and helps get me through my own struggles

    • kateaustinn
      November 2, 2018 / 1:33 am

      Hi there! I know the thought of coming out to people who tend to be close minded is really hard but sometimes putting your own happiness above anyone else’s is the best thing you can do for yourself. Try and remember that <3

  7. Hope
    November 1, 2018 / 9:57 pm

    This story had me crying. Thank you for your honesty and for all your efforts to support the LGBT+ community. You are a true inspiration and a bright star. Keep spreading your light and all of my best wishes go out to you and Sarah. I hope that your future together will be 10 times better than what you can imagine.

    Much love

    • kateaustinn
      November 2, 2018 / 1:34 am

      Always, always, always will share my story to help you all with yours. Thank you so much for your kind words. It means everything to me!

  8. Em
    November 1, 2018 / 10:49 pm

    Honestly this made me tear up. My girlfriend and I have been in the closet for 4 years now. Only about 6 people know about us. It is so hard because we are not financially stable enough to tell our parents because we know they will not be accepting. We can’t afford to lose their financial support until we finish college. It’s sad but it’s the truth. Hearing a story like yours gives me hope for my future and makes me even more excited to come out. Thank you for sharing and thanks for always being an inspiration.

    • kateaustinn
      November 2, 2018 / 1:36 am

      Sometimes, thinking about the long run is the best option when it comes to waiting to come out. Take the time you both need and just remember that everyone’s timeline is different. I wish you two the best and all of the happiness in the world!

  9. November 2, 2018 / 12:04 am

    This is very inspiring & so relatable (even tho I’m not out to my parents…well technically). It’s a lot easier for me because I’m bisexual to hide that side from my parents but I can’t help but wonder what they’d do if the love of my life is a girl. I tried telling my mom one time and she said “no you’re not” and that was the end of it. She even brought up over the summer “remember when you thought you liked girls, I’m glad you stuck with boys” when in reality I didn’t “stick” with boys. They are just easier to come by. My family is basically the only group of people that doesn’t know. I’m very out and very proud. I’ve been in 3 different pride parades and am constantly involving myself in the community. Stories like this show me not to be afraid of loving who I am. Thank you so much for being an inspiration to me for almost 4 years (I used to follow you on tumblr & we’ve even exchanged messages from time to time) I’m so happy to see how far you’ve came with Sarah. Although I may be a stranger, I feel like I know you guys! I would love to meet you two someday!
    Love,
    Anslee
    (You May remember me as @imbyr.pryntsesa from tumblr , that’s still my handle on all social platforms hahah ?)

    • kateaustinn
      November 2, 2018 / 1:42 am

      OMG! I remember you Anslee!! Hiiiiiii!! I am so proud of you for staying out and proud regardless of your mom’s negative reaction. I surely hope we get to meet! It’s been years and years coming <33

  10. November 2, 2018 / 12:38 am

    This is so good Kate! Your story has so many parallels with mine and it’s really comforting to hear other people’s experences, knowing it turns out okay. Being a gay Christian is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Thank you for being so open and sharing your world ?

    • kateaustinn
      November 2, 2018 / 1:43 am

      I’m so happy you’ve found a little bit of comfort in my story. It always ends up okay! You are exactly who you are supposed to be, don’t ever let anyone make you feel otherwise <3

  11. Serena
    November 2, 2018 / 12:40 am

    I know I’ve heard this story before but I wish I knew this was going on during high school/cheerleading . I had noooo idea!! ❤ you’re honestly so brave and awesome for sharing this with everyone.

    • kateaustinn
      November 2, 2018 / 1:44 am

      Serenaaaa!! Hi love <333 thanks for reading!

  12. Cori
    November 2, 2018 / 12:44 am

    Holy sh*t. I feel as if I’ve been on a journey with you. You helped me come out when I was a junior in highschool after I watched one of your YouTube videos when you were still active. You sharing this story is so important, not only to me but to so many other queer youths, adults, and anyone invetween that might be struggling. Thank you so much for sharing! I enjoy all the posts of you and Sarah on Instagram. I’m now a junior in college and thanks to you and a few others, I’ve been able to feel comfortable being out and proud. Keep sharing ❤️ P.s. thanks for messaging me back and helping out with me body image project that one time, it paid off.

    • kateaustinn
      November 2, 2018 / 1:47 am

      Omg! It sounds like we’ve been growing up together then, huh? It means so much to me that you’ve stuck around for so long and that I have been able to help you, even just a little. And omg!! Of course, that’s too funny hahah! Sending you all my love <3

  13. Paige
    November 2, 2018 / 12:47 am

    My BEST FRIEND! So freakin proud of you for putting something so emotional and intense for you into words so eloquently. LOVE YOU I’M SO PROUD OF YOU!

    • kateaustinn
      November 2, 2018 / 1:49 am

      PEGGGYYYY!! ILY SO FRICKEN MUCH.

  14. Syd
    November 2, 2018 / 12:53 am

    girl same. my super “Christian” mom hasn’t spoken to me since I came out to her 8 months ago. love reading about you and Sarah :). Thanks for sharing.

    • kateaustinn
      November 2, 2018 / 1:50 am

      Ahhhh, I’m so sorry to hear that. Don’t ever let your family make you feel ashamed of who you are. Sometimes it takes time for them to come around and loosen up a bit. I’m sending you all of the love in my heart, I know how terrible of a pain this can be.

  15. Kenzie
    November 2, 2018 / 1:11 am

    You probably don’t remember me, but I’m Kenzie, Brittany schiliros friend, I just wanna tell you that I was and kind am? Still in the same place, um when Brittany told me a few years ago you came out…it kind of, made a light bulb go off. It was odd because we only met a few times, you and I but it felt sort of comforting? I was like …well if kate can do it then I can too. My mom kind of brushes it off, and my family makes fun of me, but like I have some solid friends so it’ll probably be okay. Thank you for this, the love you share online with Sarah makes my heart warm, and like although unsuccessful I hope I find that!
    Lots of love ?

    • kateaustinn
      November 2, 2018 / 1:52 am

      Omg Kenzie!! Yes, of course I remember you! I’m so happy that I could help you find courage to come out and proud of you for facing your fears even though it can be so. damn. terrifying. I know that sometimes family can be hard but surprise yourself with your chosen family and they’ll make everything better. I promise. Sending you all the love in my heart, I wish the absolute best for you!!

  16. November 2, 2018 / 2:27 am

    Hi! I’ve followed you for a while now! I was looking for good lgbt influences seeing as I grew up in a very religious home and now attend a christian college. I came out three years ago (to myself and a select few) and have proceeded to share my identity with everyone except my parents. At 17, I tried to come out to my parents, and after three days of arguments and the worst words a parent could say to their children, I “took i it back.” With the threat of being kicked out at 17, I had nowhere to go and no money of my own to do it.
    However, this summer I feel head over heels in love out of nowhere. Her name is Melenie, and looking at her feels like the way the sun feels on your skin during golden hour. Her dimples drive me wild, and I didn’t know it was possible to feel love in your bones. She’s just the cutest little bean there ever was, and I can’t wait to spend my life showing her how much I cherish her. I am the happiest I have ever been and I can’t share any of it with my mom, a spectacular woman I have loved and been close to for some time. She knows something is up, and that I’m hiding something. Obviously, I can’t leep mentioning my “friend from NY” over and over without suspicion. She’s decided to visit me this week, and now is the time I’m gonna do it. It’s time. i’ve never been so nervous in my life, but I need to tell her, and reading this I feel like I can handle it.
    I’m in a safe place, I know myself, and I have a great support system.
    I don’t usually “comment” or interact with “influencers” but you’ve inspired me to be myself, and have shown me what that can look like. So, thank you, I guess. Thanks for overcoming adversity, and living to share you story with other people, you’re making a difference. Hopefully, all goes well with my mom *fingers crossed* Thanks again, you and Sarah are a beautiful couple and I wish you the best.

    • kateaustinn
      November 2, 2018 / 1:50 pm

      EMMMAAAA!! This message gave me all the chills. I’m so proud of you for continuing to seek your own happiness regardless of any hardships that may come with it. I know it is so scary telling your loved ones but sometimes people surprise you. If she doesn’t immediately take it well, give her time. My best friend’s mom had a bad reaction to her coming out – four years later and her girlfriend spent Christmas with her entire family last year. I am rooting you on and wishing you and Melanie the best. This message made my heart explode. I love you.

  17. Maddie
    November 2, 2018 / 2:29 am

    I have recently started coming out to my friends and they have all been surprisingly supportive. I have felt so much relief since I started telling my friends, but I am still worried about telling my family. Thank you for posting your story! You are so inspiring and have made me feel like I should be proud of who I am! Xoxo

    • kateaustinn
      November 2, 2018 / 1:51 pm

      I started by telling my friends first and it gave me the courage to come out to anyone.. it almost feels like you’re building an army of people to stand around you and support you regardless of who doesn’t. I am rooting you on my friend, keep being proud <3

  18. Danielle
    November 2, 2018 / 2:54 am

    Hi Kate! I absolutely loved your coming out story. It inspires me. You and Sarah both inspire me. It’s amazing to see how much love you both have for eachother.
    It scares me to come out. Not only really to the world but to myself. I’m actually going through a divorce. And while we’re still friends it’s really scary for me to fully accept that a huge part of the divorce is because I’m gay. I feel like I’ll never find someone who is going to complete me and vise versa. It makes me a nervous wreck just thinking about women.
    I think I’m going to try and just focus on myself right now as much as I can. Maybe go to an lgbtq+ group :). It just feels like I don’t know myself anymore. And that’s hard.
    You guys are amazing. Can’t wait for more of your blog!!! ??

    • kateaustinn
      November 2, 2018 / 1:53 pm

      Hi Danielle! First and foremost, some people stay in relationships forever that they don’t want to be in just bc it’s too hard for them to accept themselves. I am proud of you for making the decision to put yourself and your happiness first. Try and focus on the now and loving who you are, whoever that may be. There are tons of groups in every area and don’t be afraid to download a dating app – even just to make friends. I can’t wait to get a message in the future telling me you met the woman of your dreams 🙂 rooting you on the whole way!!

  19. Koh Lauren Quan
    November 2, 2018 / 3:03 am

    I will never tire of reading this story or seeing you so happy. Proud of you always. xoxo

    • kateaustinn
      November 2, 2018 / 1:54 pm

      KOH AH! Hiiiii!!! You always pop up in the best ways <3

  20. Rachel
    November 2, 2018 / 3:26 am

    Thank you for sharing your story. I’m a senior in high school in a small town. I have come out to my immediate family and close friends in the past year. It has gotten easier but I still beat myself up sometimes about the fact that I don’t know what I am besides “queer”. I don’t know if it’s just deep denial and maybe I am gay, or if I really just am more fluid. Anyway, thanks for this beautiful post. I too have had to overcome the Christian values, internalized homophobia- all that fun stuff! I can only hope for a love like yours!

    • kateaustinn
      November 2, 2018 / 1:56 pm

      Hi love! First and foremost, sexuality IS fluid and you don’t need to have a black and white, definitive answer. You can like girls for today and like guys for tomorrow and never owe any person an explanation. Even just recognizing that you’re queer, regardless of what that means, is so brave. Try not to focus os much on putting yourself in a box and focus more on just your happiness. Sending you all my love <3

  21. Clara
    November 2, 2018 / 3:38 am

    Kate I followed you on IG at the beginning of the summer right after coming out to friends and right before coming out to my family! You were the extra push I needed to not just be comfortable being gay but to EMBRACE it and be truly happy! Seeing an example of 2 feminine women in a relationship was something so simple I didn’t know I needed but relating to your everyday life means the world to me. happy freakin 20gayteen

    • kateaustinn
      November 2, 2018 / 2:02 pm

      CLARAAAA! Hi cutie! This message literally gave me goosebumps. I am so freaking honored and thankful to have played a small role in your coming out story. Being able to help you and give you courage means everything to me. I hope you’re living the gayest, happiest life my love. TWENTYGAYYYTEEEEEN!!

  22. LYN
    November 2, 2018 / 5:34 am

    Am not gay bt i think u r bold n very brave. wen i was young i ws kinda of tomboyish ,,i wore my brothers clothes i climbed the tallest trees to get fruits..i swam in the river n even went fishing in the streams n collecting honey…i would rather take the dogs n take the cows out in the field than stay with the girls doing hse chores…bt here in kenya its acrime to b gay cz society n tradition will neva allow it,i married wit two beautifl kids bt i always feel comfortable with girls…my husband is alwys complaining..nway i think u r great by sharing ur story like that…soo amazing..love from kenya

    • kateaustinn
      November 2, 2018 / 2:04 pm

      Thank you for taking the time to read my story and share a little bit of yours. I hope your children give you all the happiness in the world. Sending my love all the way from PA <3

  23. Katie
    November 2, 2018 / 10:28 am

    Your story is so relatable. My parents are super conservstive and religious as well. I haven’t come out to my family yet and I feel like I will never be ready to do this because how someone can be ready to lose their family (which I know would happen). I gave myself a hard time trying to accept myself and stop denying that I’m waaaay more into girls than boys which was mantally draining. I’m in the middle of my law school and I depend financially on my parents so I know I need to stay in closet at least few more years so I can finish. Your story kinda gave me hope that I can somehow handle it by myself. You are incredibly intelligent, beautiful and you have a good heart. Keep doing what you do, it changes people’s lives. Love <3

    • kateaustinn
      November 2, 2018 / 2:09 pm

      Hi Katie! I know sometimes putting certain aspects of your life before others is extremely tough, but the long run can be more important. Keep pushing for the light at the end of the tunnel and know that when you’re ready – you have hundreds of thousands of people ready to support and love you. Find friends that love and support you and make them family. It helps so much more than you could ever know.

  24. Kayla
    November 2, 2018 / 2:44 pm

    Your story hits so close to my girlfriend’s. I’m going to have her read this to hopefully open her eyes that we’re not the only ones going through tough times. We’ve been together almost 2 years and her family (primarily her mother) still treats her/us/me so disrespectfully.
    Her mother has said things to her that no child should ever have to hear from their parent, let alone one human being to another.
    Reading this gives me so much hope and reassurance that we’re not alone, will never be alone, and that this once in a lifetime love is supported by so many people that are rooting for us.
    Thank you so much, Kate.

  25. Catherine
    November 2, 2018 / 6:02 pm

    damn kate –
    I’ve been following you for a couple years now (tumblr from the first year you and Sarah were dating) and your story really spoke to me so I stayed with it. but I honestly had no idea your coming out story was this intense and heartwrenching. I am so glad you found yourself after all that and are thriving so authentically. you give a lot or hope to me and I appreciate you sharing yourself with us, especially something so personal. thank you for being so brave ❤

  26. November 3, 2018 / 6:07 am

    This is so beautiful and I’m so so proud of you friend. When we finally meet I can’t wait to give you the biggest hug! Sending you so much love and positivity!

  27. Gina
    November 4, 2018 / 9:54 pm

    I’m so so sorry that you had such a tough time coming out.
    I’ve recently discovered I liked girls at the age of 23 after a friend suggested it to me. My whole life fizzled through my brain and clicked into place as I thought ‘DUH… yes you’ve always had a 1/2 thought about girls in your head.’
    First I felt relief and then I felt fear that there was this thing about me that I would have to explain and I might not be accepted. My mum wasn’t happy and said she was disappointed and I could see that all over her face. However, recently when talking about me being married one day in the future she did say whoever He or SHE is so I think she has come about to the idea.
    Buttt the big thing is I have feelings for a girl that I’m friends with and I’m too scared to tell her in case she doesn’t feel the same way. But I feel about her things I never felt for boys and for the first time I just want to lean over and kiss her. She knows I’m into girls but we’ve never spoken about her sexuality, which I have assumed is straight. We hang out so much and often just to do nothing but I just can’t read the situation.
    Anyway this is the first time I’ve been able to concisely form this into words and it feels so good to write it all out. Deep down I know I just need to ask her but I would rather have her in my life as a friend than not at all.
    Please keep posting, I love seeing other girls who like girls living their truths and being so happy? look forward to reading more x

  28. Danyell
    November 5, 2018 / 12:03 am

    Hi Kate! First of all, thank you for being your courageous self and for putting yourself out there to inspire others. Being vulnerable and put yourself out there isn’t always easy. It’s refreshing to read other stories similar to my own. It took me a really long time to feel comfortable with myself. Longer than it should have. I always put my family’s feelings before my own and ended up torturing myself for a long time. My mom has turned a compete 180 and now loves me for me. It took her almost a decade but I’ll take it. I am a teacher and coach… so needless to say, I have a passion to inspire others. Same as you. I want to give blogging a shot because it will give me another outlet to inspire and allow me to be more personal than I could ever be in school. I know how important it is to share our stories and let people with the same struggles know they aren’t alone. Blogs like this would have helped me so much when I was going through everything. What would be a good starting site for me? Any suggestions would be great. Thanks! Keep being your lovely self! Wishing you nothing but happiness! 🙂

  29. Karen
    November 8, 2018 / 1:08 am

    Thank you for sharing your experience. I am the mother of an awesome 28 year old woman who recently came out. She left her new marriage to be with her best friend. They are now building a life together.

    Your story gave me unsight into the internal struggle that my daughter was dealing with.
    I feel as though I am just getting to know my daughter now:). I have never seen her happier:).

    As a parent of a child who is gay, you go through so many emotions. But at the end of the day, your child is your child and you love them unconditionally.

    May you have a happy life living your truth.

    Karen

  30. Kate
    December 5, 2018 / 4:46 pm

    Thank you so much for writing this. I have so much in common with this. I didn’t come out to my parents until I was already out of the house because I knew I would get kicked out if I came out while still living at home. To this day my mother cries every time she hears about my girlfriend, and she told me that she would rather I had a debilitating accident than come out as bi. I’m still struggling to come out to the rest of my family though. My parents and siblings and some cousins know but my aunts/uncles and grandparents don’t know yet and my parents keep telling me I can’t tell them because its just a phase. Do you have any advice for this?

  31. No Attachment to a Guy
    December 7, 2018 / 1:56 am

    So before you knew you were gay you said that you partied a lot trying to hook up with any guy just to feel that “spark”. I relate to this story so much. I’ve been raised in a SUPER religious family and there’s no WAY that anyone can know my secret. its taken me months to figure myself out but I think I’m starting to understand. Basically, I’m in love with one my friends (who I haven’t been able to stop thinking about since July) that’s a lot of thinking btw. I’m pretty sure she flirts with me (or used to hardcore) but I know its hard to put yourself out there (especially when you see them all the time at school) Anywho, she parties a lot and I’m not exactly about that life and she has sex with guys she has no feelings for whatsoever and idk why that just weirds me out… but most importantly it hurts watching herself throw her heart away when she should be prized and loved deeply by someone she loves and someone that treasures her. What I’m getting at is I’ve had a gut feeling there’s that spark between us but I could be wrong and I was wondering since you’ve lived through this that maybe all the parties and no attachment to a guy could mean something… She also has commitment issues. Would love your input btw. Thank you so much!

  32. Michelle
    December 12, 2018 / 9:51 am

    Hi Kate, I saw a picture on instagram of you and Sarah which led me to this page. What a story! I guess you are really strong, keeping this contact with your mum and loving her however. You did the right thing. I really hope she will totally accept you and you GF. It just made me realise how easy my coming out was. That’s why I want to send you some love from Holland. Keep writing please 🙂

  33. Sara
    January 20, 2019 / 7:39 pm

    One of the best parts: it’s been five years, someone please helps that woman ?? I laughed so hard ? you were living in a religious family, and guess what? I’m living in a religious country. And coming out for me is like never I guess. Tho I told my mom about it and she believes the same way that ur mom believes, that it’s a “phase”. She literally denies it. It’s not fine by me Ofc, but I prefer not to discuss with her about it. Time will prove everything right?! I’m trying my best to leave this country and have a better future with my girlfriend. I’m in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend for almost 2y. And we really wanna make this works. Thank you for sharing ur story and make us feel we are not alone. You’re amazing, and you’re deff my inspiration. I love you ?

    • kateaustinn
      January 23, 2019 / 11:36 pm

      Keep your spirits high until you can get out and live your life. You’re never alone, I promise. I am sending you all of my love <3

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